Instructions & Satirical Descriptions

Jul is a famous creator of noise and he's as autotuned as a motorbike which singing reaggae. His style is derserving of the biggest creators of trend. He's frencently wearing with OM's jersey and fabulous Nike's sneakers. His hair looks like a peal of lawn putting on his cropped head and that's why all the gazelles of the city are at his feet. He's singing many meaning full songs like Chikita and Wesh Alors an ode to motorbikes. His unity's sign - maybe a little bit satanist ? - the JU-JU-JUL.



As you can see, his nails are badly cut - maybe Jul's mama is still helping him.
It's seems that somebody confused his face with a MacDonald's potatoes (and we can see that's not a fake news !).
Jul is considerate like the "claquettes-chaussettes" rapper of his century (the 21th of course).
This famous "artist" has an orthography which irritate our eyes. He post on Twitter tweets like : "Je tenez a mescusez" to do his mea-culpa.

To conclude, Jul is the better rapper of is century, the most appreciate and we love him.
XOXO, Gossip girl...

Ilona et Valentine

Dear readers,

A mysterious character sent us a letter… We unfortunately didn’t find who it is. Could you please, help us?

« First, you really have to know that I am a humanist man. My main goal is to open borders in order to leave together in peace and harmony ! Mexicans are my best friends ! And women ? My queens !!! I can’t bear sexism or homophobic reflexions. I just act for sex equalities and women’s rights. I am a perfect gentleman, as sweet as a sheep… I am very humble too. But I have some faults : I am too kind with everybody ! People always say « Donnie, you are a nice guy, you are altruistic, do you realise ? » And I can’t realise of course, because it’s in my nature. I can’t become sympathetic, this is more than I can endure… That’s a real problem, but I work on it to rectify that.
Let’s speak about my projects. I built a modest tower in order to welcome all migrants or homeless who need help. I drink tea with them every saturdays : we chat together and have good moments. In a few words, I am helpful and brave… I am sometimes courageous, but only on mondays if I am wide awake. It is tiredessly to save the world, you know ? So I let me take one complete week of holidays every months.
Well, my description is finished. I think it is very realistic and objective. I am sure you found who I am. The most good-looking, the most charismatic, the most ingenious… What do I say ? God on Earth. There are no doubt, my name is Donald Trump. »

Aaliyah et Célia.F

Angelina Jolie is an american model. She is 43 years old but seems to have 25 because of the cosmetic surgery that she have done all her life. Her lips is the evidence of that. Where is her wrinkles ? Maybe cover under the make-up , the plastic surgery and all the other beauty products ? What we are sure of is that she is not a natural woman.
Moreover she is crazy ! In her wedding with Jonny Lee Miller, she had wrote his name without her own blood. Who make this ? Maried, she will fall in love with a woman (like her father have cheated with her mother !)
In her actress job she can't show her tatoos. It's ridiculous to have done them because she have to be replace by another actress to each scenes.
This woman is a superficial person who win her life with her physic but not with her talent. Is this really the life ?
And what about her children ? She tell that she have 6 but she have adopted 3 of them ! Have she adopted them to give her good conscience ? It's like when you go to the SPA to take a dog to don't let him die alone.
Everything of her person his base on lying. She make us believe that she is a good person, but she is not. The superficiality souldn't have to be a kind of life

Maëlys A et Noémie B.

Marine Le Stylo… what a nice woman ! Her body was as much preserved as a young woman, her teeth were carved like shark ones ; useful to eat the left or any badly thoughtful person. She was not a blonde girl like the others : her hair was the same color has Trump’s hair.
She was the most hosting person in the world : she could welcome a whole migrants family with pleasure ! Maybe, she could even invite her sweet father : he had the same awesome ideas, in fact family is helpful ! She followed her dad’s job, what a cute family !
Her speechs were touchy, interesting, convicing and really sincere, everybody was able to see how much she cared about population in poor contries or population in general.
And so sexy she was with her wonderful glasses ! A man would be a fool if he wasn’t in love with her...
Moreover, have you ever check her twitter ? You need to follow her as soon as possible ; her vlogs and humour are so much inspiring that she should become a comedian.
She is able to see the futur, she plans awesome things. She is the better psychic in the world, the strangest witch of our nightmares, the wicked fairy of a child movie.
To conclude, like she said ; "choose the France" (but not Marine, please).

Alexia and Myriam

Dear fans,

I am very honored to have your approval on my new merch. I am completely delighted that you guys love my new stuff, I didn't even work on it at all, but I paid a lot of money to my creators to make it and have my name on it. My fellow designers are very proud to be kept in the dark, and that I receive all the attention. But I promise I will work on it soon when I have more time, but you need to understand, I’m overburden with all the things I must do …

Furthermore, we are still not as big as Kylie Cosmetics, so I expect you guys to purchase more of Fenty. Here is the link of the shop: https://www.fentybeauty.com/

I'm also working on new music that will probably came out later this year (I need to pay rent). My ghost writers are doing the best they can. I already know my music will be number 1 on the charts, thanks to all of you …

With all my love,

buy my new lipstick  

https://www.fentybeauty.com/all-my-mattemoisellez/plush-matte-lipstick-the-full-collection/34002.html

Also subscribe to my Instagram, Facebook, twitter, YouTube, Tumblr, we heart it and tiktok.

Rihanna <3 .

(Delphine et Enora )

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/1a/f7/a2/1af7a2a8a59da98bd5981055ec2f1cbc.jpg

Celine Dion, ah Celine, a star who shine in the sky but A star who have explode a very long time ago. Celine Dion, a singer, well… if you consider that a singer makes us want to die every time he opens his mouth
With her broshing, she looks like a greyhound. I did not think that giraffes could walk around town: his neck is so big that it is confusing.
When she talks, it seems like a duck. Our ears buzz at each of her words.
Moreover, she is imposing, her expression is disturbing and she look down people.
Her smile is ridiculous, false and hypocritical like a witch.
Even at the age of 100, she believes have 20 years old !
Then, she takes advantages of her celebrity. By the way, when her husband is died she have done an album about him, in order to look for sympathy.
She lives in other planet, in her world there is only her and her money. She considered other people like ants because of her wealth : it’s just topic of mocking.

Zoélie
Lara

Hello everybody, today, I'm here to write for you a new article about a famous person.    Yesterday, I asked you to choose a personality among many choices.
You chose "Donald Trump" !
Ahh Donald Trump, it's a huge debate ! Everyday we can read on Internet or in newspapers horrible things about him. Things like "His hair is always unattractive like mine when I wake up. Besides, even he have big ears he is deaf as a jar" But why his is so many criticised ? He is the prettiest man ever even he is compared with a woman who wears to much makeup because of his orange skin. Me, I find that this colour of skin give him charm. People are very evil with him, they say that he is the champion of decrees like Teddy Rinner it the judo'champion. It's nonsense all of his decrees are useful ! The United States' president is the Oscar Wilde of the cleverness ! He is the smartest man of the world. Donald Trump is also criticised on the fact that he uses twitter to share his ideas. But why ? It is an awesome idea, of course ! It's very brave and ingenious to hide behind your phone or your computer ! Before he became president he was in a TV reality' show and he had never done political studies. I think it's truly an original way to become president ! I'm tired of people who have knowledge in their job ! Few persons say that Donald Trump is the lion of the politics, he takes himself for the king of the world but nobody respect him.  Arff... I'm going to get angry if I continue to write this article !
Bye. Tank you to read this text and my opinion on this subject ! See you next saturday for new article same hour !

Iron Mike Tyson was the boxing’s youngest heavweight champion of the world at the time. During his prime he was ruthless, merciless and he used to trash talk every opponent he faced, his physical apparence is like a shark, he has a big mouth and jaw with the force of a crushed nose and big brow bones with little eyes, people thought he has no neck because it was huge trained to absord shocks and prevent ko’s, he has a gap in the front teeth with two golden ones. He is known for ripping off the ear of Evander Holyfield by biting it like a shark would bite a seal, he has some mental problems, he used to beat his girlfriend just like they were in the ring, In 1992 he was accused of rape on a woman in his hotel room and to pretect himself he claimed that she was consensual but then she got angry because Tyson didn't walk her down with his limousine, since then some people considered him as a rapist, liar and people used to say that he thought he was higher than others, as we can see in his story, after his prime (since the death of his coach Cus D'amato) he became a horrible person and he started becoming weaker in boxing, he lost his titles and here it starts the downfall of the champion, he became the master of drugs and the sensei of trash talking and insults in general.
Fanny and Zakaria

With his handsomeness, Harvey Weinstein managed to steal the hearts of many women. This charismatic young man is so attractive, so gentle, so kind. As a lion in his hunting ground, he runs, jumps and bites his target. A lot of actresses have fallen in his net. The "talk" about their career end up in fear. This man is satisfied of all beautiful creatures he had in his bed. His only 80 victims are all thanking him for the good time they had with him. They are gloomy of never seeing him again and this sadness is expressed in the #metoo. The others women who have not shared the same bed as Mr Weinstein are very jealous of the women who had this pleasure. He greeted their massages, sexual favours and rapes by beautiful cheques of thousand hundreds dollars so that they won’t tell the police want he had done to them. His entourage is very proud of his activities out of work and they are proud of how grew up this little child uncomfortable in his own skin.

Hilal and Manon

My name is Donald Trump. Many people think that I haven't got any charm, but they are wrong. My red face, my amazing haircut and my duckface are the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I absolutely don't care about people thoughts, my opinion is the most important. Who is going to contest this? No one! Because I am The President of The USA!!
A lot of people are also used to say that I am insane. However, I have always hold my promises. Some women protested against my election, but it doesn't matter because they are only useful for the cooking, the cleaning...all the household!
Thus, I was elected to change the world in a better way and people thoughts. Indeed, some idiots are worrying about something they call "global warming" but in fact, it is only because of the weather. It is not our fault. Certainly not mine. And it won't be my problem.
I WILL change the world with my decrees. Those who want to choose their decisions with deputies are all losing their time. I repeat : I AM THE PRESIDENT OF THE USA AND I DO WHATEVER I WANT! I am the only one who decides what will or will not do America.
And finally, I will make America great again!
It was a nice message of your President, the President of the USA.

Written by : Marine Lagier and Célia Ducret.